Wednesday, December 16, 2009

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A HARDCORE 311 FAN IF.....


* You've considered Omaha as a possible vacation spot


* You've given yourself whiplash while rocking out to any song of theirs

* You've wanted to get yourself a '69 Lincoln (with suicide doors)

* You get excited when the time is 3:11 or 8:16

* You have at least one pet with one of the following names: Nick, Tim, SA, Chad, P-Nut, Hexum, Mahoney, Doug, Sexton, Wills, or Aaron.

* You used to check the mail for "In Your Face"

* You watch for 311 license plates, addresses and phone numbers

* Your answer to adversity is "fuck the naysayers"

* (If you live in L.A.) you look twice at every silver 911 Porche

* You knew of Incubus, No Doubt, Deftones, Hoobastank, the Black Eyed Peas, NOFX, and Korn probably before most of their "fans" did

* You know who Bobby was

* You know what the following mean: ETSD, FTBS, WGTH, BTGS, CUTM, SJRTR, WDYD, DLMD, DTOM, TAAEWYNO, IGOKN & LNAR.

* You've affectionately called someone "Star"

* You've told the real story behind the bands name

* When you buy a 5-string, just because p-nut has one

* You know who Saint, Pat, Joan, Peter and Adam are

* 311 Day is a bigger holiday than your birthday

* You think it's fate when your total purchase comes to $3.11

* You've practiced your SA moves in secret

* You're both excited and sad when Nick says "there comes a point in the evening..."

* You can match 'Led Zeppelin', 'Sugar High', and a Lakers jersey to the right guys

* You've got a strong aversion towards "friendly to the radio" music

* You know who's West side and who's South side

* You've watched ETSD & ETSD2 a billion times

* You've made special mixed CD's for each of your friends in subtle attempts to convert them

* You've met some of your favorite people on BB or at a show

* Your favorite parts of 50 First Dates were appearances by 'Amber' and 'Rub-a-Dub'

* Any car ride is a party with all of the albums

* You have pictures so old that Chad and Nick have long hair and Tim is tat-free

* You've attempted the 311 Milk Challenge

* You're savvy enough to catch "mistakes" in the live shows but loyal enough to keep them to yourself

* You shaved your hair and bleached it platinum blonde sometime between 1995 and 2000

* You've scolded someone who's shrugged off 311's music and are tired of the very old and stupid rumor people still talk about

* You've searched for or found The Hive

* You've traveled out of state to see them

* It's been a goal to learn every lyric

* You know who Jim Watson and Ward Bones are

* You've cried or felt like crying listening to Beyond the Gray Sky

* Any of the bandmembers recognize you from a previous encounter

* You know who's got the herb

* You know the real words are "check the technique" not "check, check"

* You can shout "P-Nut, beat that thang!" with a straight face

* You're goal is to conquer three hundred and eleven shows

* Your life philosophy includes the ideals of unity, positivity, and "millenium niceness."

* You remind yourself that, "life's not a race" to "take care of yourself and someone else," and to "stay positive and love your life"

* You cringe when non-hardcore 311 fans say they love "Down" or "Amber" (even though you do too)

* You've been truly inspired to hear music differently or even learn to play

* You love them so much it hurts sometimes

* You're torn between wanting them to stay out of the mainstream and wanting everyone to like them

* You know you are a hardcore 311 fan if everyone else knows you are too

* example: being known as 311 Girl or 311 Boy

* You broke up with a girl or guy because they didn't like 311

* You keep burned copies of the albums in your car so the originals won't be damaged

* You noticed the 311 poster in the movie 'Fight Club'

* You cannot name a single favorite song

* You know who Jake and Emily are

* You get mad goosebumps when hearing certain parts of songs, even though you've heard them hundreds of times

* You have a cd case designated for only your 311 albums and live stuff you have found online

* when you see a crappy car and say "that's an awesome car!" only because it has a 311 sticker on it

* You mark your calendar and stay up super late to catch them anytime they are on t.v.

* You listen to your other music only because you feel bad for abandoning it.

* You see someone at a random place wearing a 311 shirt, and you want to just give them a big hug.

* You say or think something negative and automatically scold yourself because you feel nick would be disappointed in you for not being positive

* Everyone who knows you feels obligated to tell you they saw 311 on TV.

* Someone pronounces it three-one-one and you almost puke

* You do not dance, can not dance, would not dance... Unless you're at a 311 concert up in the stands because you couldn't get a floor ticket -- and you dance like your life depends on it, and don't give a f*ck what the naysayers think.

* You're in a dark hallway with a girl and you feel the need to kiss her.

* You feel sorry for those who don't know the splender that is *311*

* You know you are a hardcore 311 fan if this almost made you cry

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